I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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