but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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