I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
