Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
