oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
