just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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