I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
