Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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