I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
