did you get engaged???
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
