she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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