I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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