you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
