There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
