How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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