look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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