I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
