i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
