I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
