That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
