Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
