is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
