he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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