I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
