he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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