Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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