I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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