so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
