like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
