i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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