He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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