I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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