was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
