In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
