Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
