The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
