I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
