he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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