My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
