Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
