so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
