I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
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Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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