Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
