If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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