bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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