Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
