my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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