Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
