is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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