Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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