she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
