dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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