Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
