I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
