I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
